Wednesday.

Wednesday is here and so are we.

After getting very pumped up on Monday about our impending dishcharge, our plans have come to a complete halt. I chased down doctors and nurses yesterday to find out the results of all her scans and when we could leave, and no one had a clear answer for me. They had to talk to Dr. Schultz. Dr. Schultz had to talk to radiology. Her scans can't be interpreted easily. Okay, but why does that change us going home? It's her counts that count (Ha. Ha. Ha.) and those are fine. The only reason I can think of is that her lungs are much worse than originally speculated, and Dr. Schultz wants to have another "family meeting" to discuss her prognosis. Or maybe it's not cancer in her lungs at all, and they need another specialist working on her case. We already have oncologists, cardiologists, endocrinologists, nephrologists and radiologists so why not throw in a pulmonolgist as well? That's a thing, right?

I'm really volatile today. I can't express how angry I feel. It's not warranted for the situation, I know that, but it's there nonetheless. It's coming from a place of deep sadness and fear. But please don't try to make it better. If you see me coming, look away. Do not engage me. Do not allow me to indulge into this pit of angry despair. I will be better by Thursday.