Thursday 26 July 2012

Daddy's birthday!

Eleanor's health and energy and general well-being are much improved. She has been on an elevated dose of her Prednisilone steroid since our hospital stay and it has helped tremendously. She is happier, hungrier and so much more fun to be around. We had an oncology appointment for her monthly blood draw and we had a bonus visit from the endocrine nurses. We reviewed her emergency dosing of steroids for mild, moderate and severe situations. It was incredibly helpful. We have been through all of it before, but it was so great to have a refresher course. I feel so lucky to have such a fantastic support system for Eleanor's condition. The doctors and nurses here on the island are awesome.

So today is Kris's 30-somethingmuffled birthday (we don't need to share which one, just rest assured that he is OLD!), and we had an impromptu gathering of the Barry clan. I splurged a little and bought him a new (used) bike. He's been wanting one forever and since his birthday last year was so awful (alone, while E endured her second round of chemo with me in Vancouver), I felt like he deserved a little spoiling. It's a beaut. 1974 Raleigh Superbe in Jaguar racing green. I'm lousy at buying gifts normally, so I was really pleased to see him happy with it.





A big highlight of the day was seeing Bea hold Eleanor like a big girl. Every time I see them together, it's like a bucket of cold water that this child is supposed to have a sibling. Or twenty. These girls are nuts for each other. Look at this face!



Bea was so proud of herself, she walked Eleanor outside to show Granny.

Eleanor still kind of hates the sunlight.


Granny immediately panicked and the girls resorted to reading books together.













Melts your heart, no?

Monday 16 July 2012

Due Diligence

Well, it's been a week since our little hospital stay/scare, and we are still on high alert. Not because anything is wrong, per say, but because things are not where we would like them to be. Eleanor looks better. She's more alert and she's sleeping better. Her nose is still running a lot, but not too bad. She's still not eating as much as she was six weeks ago. I had a complete meltdown over the weekend because she threw up during lunch. Again. All I could think was that the only reason she is having such bad reflux/nausea is because the cancer has spread and latched on to parts of her digestive tract. This is a pretty bogus theory as that's not how her cancer works, so we got her some ondansetron.

We haven't been giving her anti-nauseants as regularly since her NG tube came out, mainly because we can only afford gravol (ondansetron is CRAZY expensive) and we thought the volume would be too much to handle orally. Also, she got too dopey/stoned on it. And she seemed to be fine without it. You know, until she wasn't.

So now I am living in crazy, food-obsessed land. I am tracking everything she eats, what she likes, what she doesn't, when she burps, farts, poops... It's mental. If you know me, you know how lazy I can be. I'm so lazy, I'm verging on negligent. Well, maybe not with my daughter, but certainly with myself. So many grey hairs. So much tooth decay... But now I am a bonafide helicopter parent! It's like the fall of friggin' Saigon around here! Nothing is getting by me! I am going to get to the bottom of this funky episode if it kills me. I will solve the mystery of why she won't eat. I will discover why she has lost all the weight she has gained since January, and then I will fix it! Yes indeedy!

It's probably the Mitotane. When in doubt, blame the Mitotane. See??? So lazy!

Anyway, here is a super cute sequence of Madam Eleanor getting ready for bed.

Hey Elsie Bells - you tired?

Uh, yeah Ma. I'm tired.


Gonna read me some books, yo.

Mummy? Please? Little help?

Yo, MA! Read me this damn book!

Fine, stupid @#$^. Keep taking %&@$* photos. See if I care. I'll read my own &@$&!@**% book!  

Worst. Night. Ever.
Oh, and just in case there was ANY doubt as to whether this child is mine, I have included this photo. It's circa 2008 when Kris insisted I help him clean the apartment.


Happy Monday!

Thursday 12 July 2012

Hospital Visit #26,357,660

So we are home. Again.

Eleanor had a rough couple of days. She was good on Saturday, but that night she slept poorly. Sunday was a "duck and cover" kind of day. Just make her happy, just get through. She was very fussy about food and drink and that night she barely slept at all. Monday morning was the same. She had one mini-nap at 7am (she woke before 4) and again in the carrier when I was walking the dog. We muscled through her physio, as she was so cranky, and I put her down for a proper nap before her lunch.

And she slept.

And slept.

And slept.

Girlfriend slept for 3&1/2 hours!!

Kris was home by this point and quite worried (God love him, he's ALWAYS worried!), so we decided to wake her up. At first she didn't stir, so Kris tried to sit her up. Her eyes flew WIDE open and she resisted, but didn't make a sound. She couldn't really sit, but who could on immediate wake-up? Kris picked her up and she seemed to be swinging in circles from her waist. "Where's daddy?" I asked. She swung her arm to point - there. "Where's Atia?" swing-point - there. Her bug eyes rolled around in her head. Okay... So far, so... Something?

We took her into the kitchen and gave her a sippy cup of Pediasure since she missed lunch and was acting kind of nuts. She knocked it back quickly and we gave her a cookie to see if it was a blood sugar thing. I put her on the floor in the living room and she was able to do her dive-roll-sit up maneuver, but it wasn't very fluid and she was wobbly when she sat. I called the oncology clinic as she munched her cookie and she continued her drunken sailor routine. The oncology nurse put me on hold to confer with the endocrine nurse and they both thought it was best to get her blood work checked and also her blood sugar. It was too late to go to the clinic, so we'd have to go through emerg. Uggggggghhhhhh...

Eleanor continued to drunkly mash her cookie into her face, the carpet and anywhere else that pleased her while we came up with a plan. I would drive her out alone because Kris was up all night and still fighting off a cold. The hospital is no place for someone like that. I gathered a few things in case we had to stay overnight (not our first rodeo!) and went out to the car. Eleanor was safely strapped in so I kissed Kris goodbye and drove down the street.

Then it all went wrong.

By the time we had reached the main road, she was asleep again. I paused at the stop sign to clap my hands, shake her foot but she barely stirred. I continued down Fairfield at a snails pace. The speed limit is 30km/h, which is rarely adhered to, but today there was a long line of cars trucking along at 30. I could feel the panic rising in me, starting with my arms. It alw. Red light at Cook street. I reached for my phone and found my brother's number. I was right by his place. He could ride in the back and keep her awake. I looked back at her, slumped over and drooling Pediapred on her car seat straps.

What do I do? I can't go back - I'll lose too much time. I can't have Gavin assume responsibility for this, and what if he's not ready to leave right this second? I can't wait! I pulled over and smashed my indicator, windshield wipers and finally my hazard lights. Then I did the most cowardly-brave thing I have ever done; I called 9-11.

This part is very difficult for me to write. I have very mixed emotions about my actions.

As we waited for the bus to arrive, she opened her eyes and gripped my finger hard. She stayed perfectly still and stared at me as if she was trying to focus, to stop whatever was happening to her. I heard the sirens and my heart sank. They were coming for us. What a weird feeling. The police were the first to arrive and were so calming and helpful. The ambulance was quick to follow and my car was surrounded by emergency response vehicles. It must have been quite a sight and a big hassle to get around, but I only realize that in hindsight. At the time I could only think of Eleanor. One of the paramedics took her out of the car seat and carried her into the bus. I saw her through their eyes, and she was a mess. Not only did she have big bags under her eyes and was slumped like a sack of potatoes, she was also was covered in chocolate cookie and Pediasure.

Once they had secured her in the ambulance, we set off towards the hospital. One of the police officers had graciously offered to drive my car, which was incredible. We made a pit stop with another ambulance to pick up another paramedic. He climbed into the bus and they began their assessment. They checked her vitals, which she hated, and started to perk up. Once they finished with the saturation monitor, she smiled at them, and the sirens were turned off and we cruised the rest of the way. Her sats were good, her blood sugar was fine and she wasn't labouring to breathe. By the time we got to the hospital, she was still far from normal, but she was in much better shape. They drew blood and confirmed that she was dehydrated and her sodium low while her potassium was high. She takes a pill to combat that from happening, but if she was dry it may have been too hard to regulate. They hooked her up to an IV and we waited.

The paediatrician arrived and said that we would be staying overnight. I figured as much. High potassium is very taxing on the heart, and because she has already had a cardiac episode, they have to be very careful with her. At this point, I was feeling really relaxed. She was feeling better, looking better and everything seemed to be moving in the right direction. They gave her a solu-cortef injection (emergency steroid - kind of like an epi-pen for people with allergies) just to be sure and continued her fluids overnight. The rest of the hospital stay went really smoothly. Her midnight blood work came back much improved so they were happy to let us go by noon the next day, so long as she was eating and drinking. She devoured her gross hospital food lunch and we were on our way home!

I have very conflicting feelings about calling for help. I was told explicitly DO NOT WAIT and CALL 9-11 after her last adrenal crisis, but because this wasn't technically an adrenal crisis, I feel a bit weird. It's just hard to wrestle in my mind. And when I found out I will be getting a bill for it, well, that makes me feel all the worse! She was heading towards a crisis, so I think I did the right thing. But aside from the ambulance ride, it was a really uneventful period. They figured she was dehydrated as a result of teething and sudden heat and she might have a cold (her nose was running a lot). Nothing serious, but I wonder how many of these little hiccups we will have in the future. She is a very complicated little girl!

Friday 6 July 2012

"She is miserable"

This was the text that I got while I was out getting groceries. I had gone the long way, via the beach (as one does when summer days are sunny) and Kris was home sick and momentarily watching Eleanor. Poor love has been teething horribly and I wasn't surprised to get this message. Well, I raced home to "save the day" and plopped her down with a pint of blueberries. Look at how miserable she is!!

Monday 2 July 2012

Kiss-It-Out

As I have mentioned before, Eleanor is now sleeping in her own bed, in her own room, and she digs it. I've tried napping with her in my bed, all cuddled up together like the old days...








... but she is having none of it. She hates being too warm and she seems to need a good five minutes of flailing and screaming before she sleeps. The best way to do that is in her crib.

Our bedtime ritual has changed quite a bit to accommodate the new locale. I read three of her bedtime books, sing her a song and then we put on her lullaby cd and rock quietly for one song. I put her in her crib and read my book til she falls asleep. Easy. Well, old habits die hard with this one, so often while we are cuddling she looks for my arm to suck. It always ends up in an awkward position, so she tries her luck at ANY exposed flesh. She tries my neck, my chest, my face... So the other night while I'm singing about speckled frogs and their bad eating-before-swimming habits (tsk tsk), she puts her lips right on my mouth! I started laughing and then she started laughing and then I started crying because making her laugh breaks my heart every.single.time and then I tried to sing and she did it again and we fall apart giggling. Now every time I sing before bed, she kisses me. I tried to capture it tonight.



I tried to take one with a flash, but they turned out a little wonky.

The flash is a jerk.


So sleepy!


Regardless, she still likes to kiss arms to fall asleep. She's just figured out her arms are the most perfectly kissable arms out there.



Delicious.