Comfortably Numb

I slept terribly last night. After Eleanor went to bed, I jumped into the tub with Penelope. I'm not big into bathing newborns, but when I do it, I like to bathe with them. I carefully washed her little face with its outbreak of baby acne, and I made sure to clean between the folds on her neck. I tilted her ever so slightly to the side to get a better angle, and suddenly I was no longer holding Penelope, I was face-to-face with baby Eleanor. Not cute, lovely newborn Eleanor but cancer-stricken, cushinoid, greasy, spotty Eleanor. A lump rose in throat as I rolled her onto her back and she morphed back into herself. Just a regular newborn with a regular skin irritation. I remind myself (for the 18th time that day) that Eleanor's symptoms came out much later and that the likelihood of Penelope having the same cancer is nearly impossible...

Even so, I didn't sleep well last night.

We got the call this morning from the geneticist in Vancouver. Penelope does NOT have Li Fraumeni! She was so excited to give us good news (unlike the shitstorm she gave us in April) that she bypassed formalities and procedures and called us the second she got into her office. It's wonderful news and we are breathing a sigh of relief for her. I am slowly realising that her baby acne is just that, and nothing more. She is going to be okay.

And with that, I'm full of sorrow for Kris and Eleanor. This news doesn't change anything for them and that makes it all seem bittersweet. Or maybe my post- birth hormones are raging and have cancelled everything out. Either way, I'm not as elated as I thought I'd be. But it's good news, and I like good news.

And I like that she's practically perfect. Practically Perfect Penny Prim.

Mother's Day

Today I'm thinking about all the folks out there who aren't wishing mamas a "Happy Mothers Day", either because they've lost their mamas or have lost their babies. 

So, so, so grateful to have these two knuckleheads and hold them close. So proud to be their mum.

xoxox

The honeymoon is OVER

Back to life, back to reality...

Kris has gone back to work. Our little honeymoon (baby moon?) is over. I'm done my "mat leave" and have been ferrying Eleanor around to all her appointments, and we have some new ones! Today we went to see a nutritionist about her diet and soon we get to see an ophthalmologist about her lazy right eye!

See? It's cute, but questionable and it's getting worse

Just a weensy bit wonky.

I'm keeping my fingers crossed (just like her eyes...hardy har har...) that it's nothing and will resolve itself. The idea of putting glasses or a patch on Eleanor seems, well, just about impossible. The nutritionist consultation was pretty lack lustre, but she did offer some helpful advice. Now I just have to put it into practice. Next week we are back to the hospital to see our oncologist and our endocrinologist.  No rest for the wicked around here!

We've got a post-partum doula coming round this week to help me out for a few hours, but I'm still exhausted. Kris just got home and he barely put his bag down before I ushered him out the door with Eleanor. "We need milk! Go get milk!" I'm lucky he is so compliant. Baby Penelope is just that - a baby. She has her own prerogative of sleeping and eating and I am just along for the journey. Some nights are better than others, and last night - though it started beautifully - went downhill after about 2:30 and mama was up allllllll night. I'm not complaining, nor I am cursing my beautiful baby. I knew there would be days (and nights) like this. I just have to remember to take care of myself by drinking as much caffeine as humanly possible. Right?

Just keep swimming, just keep swimming...

I'm very, very proud of the weight gain both my girls have had. Eleanor is up to 12kg (26.5lbs) and Penelope was 3.9kg (8.3lbs) last week, and is probably closing in on 9lbs this week. Both seem to be in very good health and Eleanor has been miraculously free of colds/sniffles/snotty noses since the baby arrived. She has also been noticeably absent from all her playgroups where she GETS all those lovely things! I'm hoping to get back to the fun stuff soon, and not just her doctor's appointments.

Gah. The wee one just woke up (she's harnassed to my chest as I write this). I imagine my blogging will become even LESS frequent now (is that even possible?) but I will do my best to keep updates on Miss Eleanor here and on her Facebook page (Support For Baby Eleanor).

And just for good measure, here are some sleepy time photos...