It's been a very busy week for us. I have been very taxed emotionally and have been processing lots of clutter in my head and heart. I'm very lucky to have had my mum in town and the Red Cross volunteers helping out while I purge myself of icky feelings. Purging has come in many different forms; I ate super spicy food; I cried at a movie; I bitched to my friends and I went for a swim at Kits pool. Swimming is the best, but that pool takes it to a whole other level. For those of you who have never had the joy of swimming in this pool, allow me to indulge you. It is a salt water pool over 125 meters long and is perched above the ocean. It has a clear view over to the North Shore Mountains and it is heavenly. I felt very Mad Men-esque as I exhaled all the oxygen out of my lungs and sunk to the bottom of the pool. I allowed the water to engulf me, cleanse me and rejuvenate me. I felt so much better afterwards.

Baby girl's white blood cell counts dropped today. Part of the reason of my funk earlier in the week was because her counts were so high, just like last time, and the last round didn't touch the cancer. I drew the conclusion in my mind that healthy baby = healthy cancer. I have since been told that this is not how it works, and her high blood counts mean her bone marrow has not been exhausted by the chemo. I asked if we could up the chemo and the doctor was vague, but she did say we will be able to go home between rounds again! And this time it might be for a whole week! I would love to get home and get my life sorted. It's very difficult to keep on top of everything from a hospital room. I wonder if I could hire a personal assistant and pay them with Monopoly money...

Anyway, Eleanor is doing great despite her immune system being compromised. She's happy and eating and working hard at sitting, but is very much interested in her feet and face-plants a lot. She is very weak. It will be a long, long time before she crawls or cruises or locomotes in any real way, but it's just me that gets upset about it. She doesn't mind at all! Bless.