Shameless Idealist

Last night was eventful. Every hour, on the hour, Eleanor's poor little body would wake her up and eject everything from her system. She got a dose of Gravol at 3 and we stopped the continuous feeds. That gave her about two hours of peace. I begged the nurses at shift change to give her some relief, but they had to wait for the doctors to show up before giving her morphine. She's been quite a bit better since then, but she still can't tolerate any oral medication. I hate having to resort to narcotics to console my baby, however I am glad she is more comfortable. She is now having a snooze next to me and it is nice to hear little snore.

Before all this drama last night, I read a case study of children under the age of 20 who had ACTs (adrenal cortical tumors). It's pretty crazy stuff, but it was interesting to learn that of this super rare condition (affects 0.3 in 1,000,000 children of non-Brazilian decent), Eleanor is actually the norm. It tends to strike female babies under the age of 3 and is usually present on the left side. I also learned that it is most likely a genetic mutation, but we won't have confirmation on that for a few more weeks. This study looked at the staging and prognosis of children with this condition and was essentially a death certificate for my child. Her tumor was too big, her Cushing's too pronounced, her metastasizes too rampant for her to survive.

So I am choosing to be a shameless idealist.

Shameless idealism is one of our core values at Free The Children and was emblazoned on our staff shirts at We Day. We are an army of warriors, out to better the world. We inspire young people to join our cause and change their way of thinking. We challenge them to be the change they want to see in the world. The Merriam-Webster dictionary describes idealism as a theory that ultimate reality lies in a realm transcending phenomena . I want that now. I want to put aside all negative thoughts and throw myself behind the cause of Eleanor's survival. So what if her odds are around 15%? Why can't she be one of those 15% that pull through? Someone has to survive this; why not her? She has done so well so far, I believe she can do it.

I'm going to hold out hope that my little girl will live.