3B

Eleanor came through her first round of chemo like a champ. Granted, it was a small dose, but she didn't have any major side effects. She is doing so well that they sent us back up to the ward a day early. Great!

She is sleeping peacefully next to me after an exciting day with Auntie Trudi and Daddy. She is also receiving a blood transfusion. She's having a hard time pumping oxygen through her blood because her red blood cells are down, which means her heart rate and her blood pressure are elevated. She also needed oxygen prongs in her nose, which she hates. She claws away at the tubes and rubs her nose constantly when they are in. She's on the second hour of a four hour transfusion, and her heart rate is down. Hopefully the prongs will come out tomorrow.

I'm trying not to be freaked out. I heard the kid in the room next to us crying "it hurts! It hurts!". I happened to be sitting with a resident in hallway at the time and she was quick to inform me that it was his stomach. All I can think about is, when is Eleanor going to cry out like that? How am I going to know what hurts? How will I be able to fix it? Nothing really fazed me in ICU because everyone was in here for a different reason. Up here, everyone has cancer. Different types of cancer, but still gut-turning, angry, dangerous cancer. It's scary, and I know it will get easier once we get more settled, it's just a lot to take in today. Kris keeps saying "be strong", which is an expression I hate, but I'm clinging to it right now. I'm tired and frazzled and on my own.

Tomorrow will be better.