Sound of Silence

Sweet, sweet sleep.

After 24 hours of continuous crying and moaning and struggling to manage secretions, baby Eleanor is finally resting.

What an ordeal.

I watched the hours tick slowly by last night. I alternated patting her bum, stroking her hair and resting a heavy hand on her tummy. Nothing worked. I tried rocking her, but it compromised her airway. I held her upright and bounced her, and that seemed to work, so at 2am I put her in the carrier and bid my own sleep goodbye. She fell asleep almost instantly, so I swayed her back and forth for almost an hour. It brought back memories of our first night at BCCH and I had to keep her quiet to keep her alive. I swayed for eight hours that morning; last night was nothing compared to that. Anyway, I swayed for almost an hour, but I learned pretty quickly that there is nowhere for vomit to go when she's in the carrier. It was all over both of us. I got us cleaned up and put her back in bed. Exhaustion was starting to get the best of me and I shed a few tears to the nurse and she got the resident to come talk to me. The resident said the same thing as the nurse and the same thing as our oncologist - the pain team are unwilling to administer anything to her until the morning. We would just have to wait.

It gets a bit hazy after 5am. I must have dropped off for a bit, but I am unsure if Eleanor slept at all. I think I just tuned out her persistent crying. I woke up a little after 7am and got us ready for her CT scan and waited for the pain team. As our appointment time came and went and there was no sign of anyone, my frustration levels escalated. Apparently her mucousitis would have interfered with the scan of her lungs, so the powers-that-be cancelled it. Fine, let's just get her pain sorted out. The CMI was eventually hung at noon and did nothing. The decision was finally made to turn it up at 6pm and she stopped crying almost instantly. She smiled at the nurse and drifted off to sleep like a little angel. Unbelievable. What a day. I'm going to bed.

Oh, but before I do, a big thank you to Yung for dropping off some yummy tea and sympathy, Jean for the care package (I would have starved today if it wasn't for the Lara Bars and chocolate!) and Jen for the herbal tea and help with my lasgana. Thank you ladies! You made today much, MUCH better! Little rays of sunshine in an otherwise gloomy day!