Near Miss

Be still my beating heart!

Eleanor started to struggle a little bit today. She had restless naps today and was throwing up a bit more than usual. She was still in good spirits and loved all the visitors that came by, but it was becoming apparant that she wasn't feeling super hot. After one upsetting mucous-ejection, Kris insisted she get some pain killers. I didn't say anything; I hate this part. I know it's that time and I hate having to give my child opiates. We chatted with our nurse about getting her morphine, but she gets so itchy and crabby on morphine. They decided to give her hydromorphone, which is a hypo-allergenic version of morphine. It doesn't have the side effects and is considerably stronger.

We made dinner while we waited for the drug to be approved and sat outside her room to eat our "feedbag" salad. Eleanor refused to settle and would wake up every few minutes. I kept going in to pat her bum and help her sleep. Finally at 6:45 our nurse came in to give her the hydromorphone. It was a low dose and was set to infuse over a 20 minute period. When the machine beeped to indicate it was complete, I came back in to the room to silence it and check on the baby. Her chest was barely moving and her eyes... oh God. Her eyes were rolling around in her head. I lifted her arm and dropped it to see if she would wake. She didn't stir. I went to ring the bell for the nurse and I contemplated pulling the alarm out of the wall. No, be calm, a voice said in my head. She is still breathing. I rang the bell and a nurse came immediatly. "She doesn't look right" I heard my voice say, though it sounded tinny and far away. She took one look at Eleanor and said, "I'll get the doctor".

The next thing I know, our room is filled with nurses and the doctor. The lights are flicked on and equipment is being hauled in. Commands like "get the bag ready" and "what are her sats? Get the sat monitor on her" were being called out. I removed her foot from her new green sleeper so they could put the monitor on her and stepped out of the way. Tap, tap, tap. "Hey Eleanor. It's time to wake up!" Tap, tap, tap. "Hey little girl!" Shake, shake, shake. Nurses were standing at the ready with difibulator pads and breathing contraptions. "Eleanor?" Her eyes flew open and looked wildly at all the faces above her. A sigh. A breath of relief. From me? From the doctor? I'm not sure. It felt like the walls of the room were sighing out the tension. Almost instantly her eyes fluttered closed. "Oh no you don't!" laughed the doctor, and rubbed her tummy to keep her awake.

For the next half hour, we kept her awake. She was so stoned, but her sats were good, her heartrate was perfect and her blood pressure was a little low, but still decent. The staff reviewed the dose and why she would react so strongly to this drug. No one really knows, but they are cutting the dose in half next time, which is a big relief! What a fright we had. My poor little bear! I hate seeing her like that, all wide-eyed but not seeing. She's fine now, snoring away next to me, and is definitely feeling no pain.