I haven't written. I thought I would but I have been shrouded in crankiness. I can't shake this funk I'm in; I just feel sorry for myself. I'm not working, I'm not running, I'm just not myself. It will pass, but it's hard right now.
Blah-di-blah-blah. Enough about me.
Eleanor had a slew of tests last week. In two days she had 10+ tests and imaging done. It was exhausting, but she handled it like a pro. The only tests that she "failed" were her hearing (she would NOT tolerate the earbuds in her ears) and her enoxoparin levels (the tech used the wrong blood vial). All in all, it was a huge success and we learned that there has been absolutely zero change in her condition. There is no evidence of any hormonal activity and there is no growth. Same as last time. This is good-ish news. I was a little worried that because we saw recession in September and no change in November that we might have seen growth this time around, but we didn't. And that is good. I guess. It's not bad, that's for sure. I am putting together a list of doctors and cases for a so-called "second opinion", but it's a bit bleak. My shining lights have all had setbacks. They're not out of the game, but they're not exactly huge stories of hope, either. I am hoping that their doctors can add insight into Eleanor's case and maybe we can find a thoracic surgeon who is crazy enough to operate on my daughter and she will become cancer free and we will all live happily ever after, amen. We will meet with our good doctor next week to discuss our findings, and this should quell some of our anxieties.
Back to the drawing board. In the meantime, we wait.
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| We eat eggs |
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| We get night-time neck zerbers |
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| Lots of zerbers! |
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| We bend... |
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| And stretch |
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| And rock one leg-warmer |
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| We eat jammy toast |
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| High-lar-i-ous!!! |
We are pretty good.
Hello! What you are describing sounds like depression - or even Post Traumatic Stress Disorder! When you don't feel like doing ANYTHING that you would usually like to do and this continues for several weeks, just like a "rut" then you might need to speak to you doctor to see what he/she recommends! Perhaps even a counsellor - they should have those at the hospital! As what you are experiencing is TOTALLY NORMAL! Don't ever think you are failing if you feel you need help! Why wouldn't you have these downers, you are fighting a much needed fight - doesn't mean that it's not a devastating fight for you! I hope for you to not even try to don the Wonder Woman cape for awhile and concentrate on yourself even for a moment! Hugs and Love!
ReplyDeleteKate and Kris,
ReplyDeleteOne of the first things I do when I open my iPad is to see if you have posted a blog. Since June there have been 96. It's a truly wondrous journey you are telling us and I feel part of it as I am sure others do too. So when you tell us that you feel down, I just want to shout to you that it's OK to feel like that. What you are doing for Eleanor is amazing. There are good days and bad days. And I think there will be many more good days than bad days as this year progresses. The longer days are coming, more sun and more smiles. You'll see! Love to you all.xxx