The End (of chemo)

Eleanor had her last bag of chemo today. She has officially completed this segment of her journey and we will go home this week to "normal" life. She handled this last round like a champ; she ate lots of food, she was mildly pleasant to be around and she didn't throw up once. Eight rounds of grueling chemo that once knocked her on her ass, and now she doesn't even blink. We are so proud of her.

Her oncologist seems optimistic about the coming months. We will come in for scans and if the nodes come out of their dormancy (he doesn't think they will for awhile), then he has a few ideas up his sleeve. There is definitely the possibility of more chemo, but a different cocktail of drugs. Surgery is another way to go, as is a cord blood transplant. Our oncologist has done some pretty far out stuff with degenerative brain diseases, and I think he is quite interested in pushing the boundaries with Eleanor.

As for us, returning home is fraught with complications. Well, maybe just for me. I'll get back in touch with work and see about employment. It's been so long since I have used my brain for anything other than caring for the baby; I wonder how long it will take to switch back on. It was a B- brain at best before, and now it is moldy and old. It's definitely more of a D now. This transition is going to be tough, confusing and scary but also exciting. We will get to be a regular family for a bit with no more hospital stays in the foreseeable future. That's pretty great. Maybe Eleanor's eyelashes will grow back... Maybe she will start crawling... Maybe her NG tube can come out... Oooooo the possibilities...

I am trying to look at all the positives of our situation. A lot of the families we have gotten to know are also finishing up, but their prognosis are much more palatable than ours. It's hard not to get jealous or angry or discouraged, and I think Kris and I do a pretty good job, but somedays it so hard. We ask ourselves ridiculous questions like, "why couldn't she have leukemia? Or a Wilm's tumor? Or ANYTHING less rare?" But it is silly and futile and distracting from our ultimate goal of giving little Eleanor the best life possible and all our joy and love. Anything less is a complete disservice to her. So we focus on the positives and enjoy every minute with our little bear. Even when she is a juiced up, teething, 'roid raging bull, we still love her.

Most of the time.

We are taking offers if you are interested.