First Day

I don't know why I thought it would be bad.

We arrived home on Wednesday evening to a clean house and Kris had a glass of wine and Malteasers waiting for me. He had laid out an assortment of Eleanor's toys on her mat. It was practically perfect. Eleanor and I went to bed early (I can't remember when I have been more tired) and slept for 12 straight hours. We spent the first half of the day curled up in bed together. We have never been out of the hospital when her blood counts were this low, so I felt a bit protective and didn't want to push her. We ventured out in the afternoon to my parents' house to celebrate my sweet niece's fifth birthday. I took the coast road over, and I drove slowly so I could take in the Olympic Mountains in all their snow-capped glory. As I came around to the east side of the island, looming in the distance and bathed in milky, winter afternoon sunlight was Mount Baker. Everything around me was grey, but there in the distance was the most spectacular sight I had ever seen. It was glowing like a beacon, leading me back to the place where I grew up. It made me so happy. We had a great time at Bea's tea party. Eleanor shrieked in delight at her big cousins and ate cupcakes and had lots of cuddles with her doting granny.

Today we had a clinic appointment. It was at 9am, so I was a bit fussed to get out the door in good time. Kris made me porridge with some cooked apples and sent me on my way with a cup of tea. As I drove towards downtown, this came on the radio: 

Yes, Joni! Yes!

I have started to hate the way I am writing and feeling lately and the lyric, "talk in present tenses" suddenly clicked something in my brain. I want to exist in present tenses. Let's not dwell on the past, we won't worry about the future. I will just be here, now. And enjoy milk and toast and honey (or oatmeal with apples).

Unfortunately, the blue, red, green and gold faded over the day. Eleanor needed a red blood cell transfusion which took about three hours to arrive and three hours to administer. It made our day really long, but we came home to our super clean house and dinner on the table, and suddenly there were owls by night, by candlelight, by jewel-light and everything was right in the world.

It's not scary being home. It is wonderful to be home. I love this place. I love the mountains and ocean outside my door. I love my angry dog even when she takes revenge on Eleanor's toys. I love my crazy husband. It is really good to be back.