Oh, right. THAT cancer.

Eleanor had a very easy round of chemo. She did not throw up (much), she did not spike fevers. She did not need a continuous morphine infusion. This is essentially a good thing, but it left me filled with dread. The only other time she had an "easy" round, the cancer spread. Science will tell you that the two are not mutually exclusive, and I appreciate that, but it offers me little comfort given our past situation.

Eleanor had her scans last Tuesday. I have been sitting on the results for almost a full week, quite unsure what to do with them. Her attending GP was very excited to tell me that the cancer had not spread or grown. It also didn't look much improved from the last set of scans. She was pleased about this news - this is good news! - and I suppose it is. It isn't bad news, it just isn't the news I was hoping for. The docs are taking her case back to Tumor Board to discuss her options. This is exciting for me. I like that all the brains in the hospital come together to put forward their ideas, and there are many options in front of us yet. We are not looking at this as defeat or retreat, but a recalculation.

So we packed our bags and have been shipped home to await further instruction. Tumor Board is on Thursday and I have asked to be contacted Friday with a game plan for piece of mind. I do not want to drive all the way back to the hospital on Monday with my daughter's uncertain fate bouncing around in my head. It's not safe. Especially if the weather is poor. I'm a pretty terrible driver without all that stress, and I could be a hazard to all who get in my way!

Our time at home has been pretty good. E is a little fussier than usual. She hates to be left alone, even for a second, and she seems to be uncomfortable a lot of the time. She is cutting two new chompers (well, top-left is through and top-right is close behind) which I think is part of it. I have also been frequenting ACC (adrenal cortical carcinoma) message boards to hear other people's experiences. I think Kris thinks I am nuts, and I think he might be right. While it's interesting to get more info on different drugs and treatments and the ethics of genetic testing vs. insurance in the States (that's a whole other crazy for another blog. Wow.), it's really hard to hear how awful people feel when they are undergoing treatment. E can't tell us her back hurts, or her hips hurt, or if she is dizzy or off-balance or nauseous. This brings me an immense amount of sadness. Maybe she doesn't have crazy separation anxiety - maybe she feels terrible and I help distract her from it. It's easy to help her when her counts get low and she becomes febrile and throws up the mucous lining of her gut because it's easy to see. It's not so easy when she is technically "fine" and has no obvious symptoms. I guess that is why they prescribed her a bottle of oral morphine. Poor little bear.

But on a happier note, SANTA is coming to Mothering Touch this Friday! That's right! From 2:00 til 4:00 on Friday November 25th, you can come get your photo taken with Jolly Old St. Nick himself. All proceeds from the photo shoot will be generously donated to Eleanor. WE LOVE MOTHERING TOUCH!!! Find out more here. Hope to see you Friday!