First weeks of summer

We just finished a short, but busy week. Eleanor had so many appointments! She used to always have a lot, but its tapered off quite a bit and suddenly we have two weeks where we are jam-packed. We did two days at BCCH and the BC Cancer Agency and needed the rest of the week to recover. Kris came down with a nasty cold and I had to do double-duty with the kids. It was a lot of waiting around but thankfully Eleanor's scans came back all clear. We met with her oncologist and he was pleased with her progress and seemed more keen to talk preschool than cancer! He then made plans for her to come back in six months rather than the usual three. The primary reason is because she is doing so well but he also stressed that she has had a lot of scans over the past two years and her exposure to radiation is a big worry. She is highly susceptible to another malignancy and we want to make sure we limit all external causes. 

This week was filled with therapy sessions. We met an occupational therapist on Tuesday to see if she needed any desensitization therapy as she has shown some aversions to certain things. After watching her play and explore the gym we both concluded she is doing just fine. Wednesday was speech therapy and Thursday was her hearing test at the public health clinic. There hasn't been any change in her hearing loss and the audiologist told us there was no point in giving her hearing aids. She hears enough to get by in daily living and should be just fine. 

Today we went to the dentist. Her molars have been weighing on my mind for quite some time as they don't look right. They don't seem to hurt her but I suspected that the chemo may have done some damage. The dentist gave a quick look and confirmed my suspicion. He made a referral to get them checked out under a general anasethic at the hospital. They will put her under and they will salvage them with caps or (most likely) pull them all out. Kris and I are pretty devastated by this. I'm trying to shake it off by telling myself this could happen to any kid, regardless of past health. Some people have crappy teeth! And they warned us that IV chemo can do this and that mitotane is notorious for destroying teeth. But it just feels awful. She's been through so much already. I hate feeling sorry for my kid. I hate pitying her. I want to celebrate her and admire her and be in awe of her but right now I just feel bad for her.

Her life is hard.

I don't know what I thought life after cancer would be like. I guess I didn't think about it because we were never ever told we get here. Now we ARE here and sometimes it feels like we are floating out to sea. We've got each other, and that's great, but we only have 3 diapers, a bag of Goldfish crackers and Eleanor drank all the water. Why didn't we bring a paddle? Or a map? How on earth are we going to navigate all this unfamiliar territory?

I'm writing this on my phone so I can't insert photos amongst the text, so I will end this with a plethora of images to reassure myself that her life isn't that bad and we are so unbelievably blessed/lucky to be home with our healthy-ish children. It sure beats the alternative.