Battle

I'm feeling very tactical these days. Every day feels like a battle. I have all my fellow generals and lieutenants around me and each morning we make a plan for how we will see out the day. All through the night she was showing signs of discomfort and irritability by coughing and crying. Morphine boluses were administered and we readied our troops for the morning. She struck first with an unprecedented attack. Whilst in the middle of a diaper change, she started to throw up. After she settled down, I picked her up to comfort her, and boom! She threw up all over me. It wasn't much, so I held her close to me, only to feel my abdomen grow hot and wet. Hmmm. It seems the first vomit was a decoy to make me forget about putting a clean diaper on her! She had peed all over me and the floor. We regrouped and anticipated her main siege. We were waiting to see her temperature rise and when it did, we promptly attacked with antibiotics and Tylenol. The battle was swift and we came out victorious. It seems as though we are winning at the moment, and she has been sleeping comfortably (no cough-cries, no vomiting) for almost four hours. Hopefully this will continue overnight, as this captain is pooped!

Crappy war-analogies aside, nighttime is not my friend. Maybe I am too deep in battle-mode and my body won't let me rest. Maybe I am eating too much pumpkin pie too close to bed. Or maybe it's just tough to sleep with a snoring baby. Man alive, she is noisy. Her mucousitis is back in full force and it causes her to have very raspy and apneatic breathing. It really hurts her so she wakes up crying and takes a long time to settle. Her nurse and I are all over it tonight. She saw how I didn't get any sleep last night and is ready and waiting to jack up her morphine, if needed. I'm hoping that we will both rest easy either way.

I hope this stage of the war is over soon. I miss my baby girl. She is hiding underneath all this sickness and morphine and I want to see my smiling, happy girl again.