Now is the winter of our discontent

Well, not really, but I don't think Shakespeare (or anyone for that matter) has a quote about how your new baby is almost four months old and it feels pretty weird because this is when everything started going tits-up with your first baby but you had no idea...yeah. 

Where is the literary parallel for that?

Hmmm. I'll have to do some more research. 

I knew this day would come. I knew it would be hard. For the longest time I had an aversion to babies who were between 6-9 months. It's such a neat age and Eleanor totally missed it. Instead of sitting up, learning to crawl and eating solids she was flat on her back and being fed by a tube down her nose. Now that I have a vibrant and (mostly) healthy toddler, I have learned to appreciate that baby stage and not be sad about it. 

But four months was a big turning point. I remember starting a new baby group with Eleanor (4-9 months - my baby was growing up!) and asking the mothers there if their babies had pubic hair. I remember sitting slightly outside the circle and all the heads turning to look at me. No. Our babies do not have pubic hair. Maybe get that checked out. I smiled and said I had.

"Just curious."

I would come in every week and inquire if any of the mums were having similar problems and sometimes they did, but not really. I complained about stinky armpits and some mums had babies with cheesy armpits. Wash them out and put some diaper cream in there. Helpful, but not for Eleanor's bonafide old man body odor. We got similar tips for her acne. Looking back I was painting a perfect picture of Cushing's Syndrome and I am pretty thankful for that group and letting me complain thoroughly about all that stuff. It was very useful when it came to explaining all her symptoms. 

Now I have another four month old baby. A happy and healthy one. A deliciously chubby and strong one and I have no idea what to do with her! Everything about her is different from Eleanor. She sleeps. She rolls. She SMILES and LAUGHS. Eleanor never did any of that. I've been playing this game with Penny where I hold her hands and pull her up to sitting. I saw it in a Baby Einstein video. Is this a thing??!? Is she too young?!? I have never felt so insecure with my parenting, I mean - I am taking parenting tips from Baby Einstein!! I honestly have no idea what I should be doing with a four month old baby. It's exciting and terrifying and sometimes just plain sad. Like when Penelope figured out how to pull the handle that makes music on her bouncy chair. Kris and I couldn't even acknowledge it. I cried and he kept helping Eleanor eat dinner. That was the pinnacle of Eleanor's development. She pulled that handle and then regressed. She got weaker and sicker for three months until we took her to the hospital. Penny just pulled it (and pulled it and pulled it and pulled it "Twinkle twinkle little star..." over and over!) and keeps right on going. Right on growing. Right on track. It's wonderful. But sad.

But mostly wonderful.